


There Is Too Much Surrounding Us And Not Enough Sky To Make It Okay

by jae_no



Category: K-pop, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Angst, Gen, Language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 12:25:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5585269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jae_no/pseuds/jae_no
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yoongi has been silently struggling for too long and knows he can't go much longer until he reaches his breaking point.</p>
            </blockquote>





	There Is Too Much Surrounding Us And Not Enough Sky To Make It Okay

**Author's Note:**

> This was a short and incomplete request based upon the phrase "I'm sick of being useless." Originally published around a year ago, I think.

It was the third 4am training room session in less than two weeks and the lack of sleep was rubbing Yoongi’s nerves raw. As it neared 5, almost everyone else had already headed back to the dorms, even Hoseok and Jimin, both of whom had stayed there overnight the previous week. The only other person besides him that was still there was Namjoon, who was sitting outside waiting to lock up for the night. **  
**

This kind of thing wasn’t new when a comeback was around the corner. But maybe that was the problem. It was starting to feel less like idol life and more like rounds of never-ending military deployment. Whenever they weren’t having promotions it was just prep for the next round of them… no true rest in sight. No real chance to enjoy the success they’d forged for themselves. It was frustrating as all hell, especially when there was a part of him that felt like maybe he didn’t deserve to have a break.

He sat cross-legged in the middle of the training room floor with the palms of his hands pressed against his eyes. He faced away from the large wall-mirrors, not wanting to see his pathetic reflection. And just as he was starting to revel in the brief moment of silence, Yoongi heard the door creak open and a familiar voice speak up, “How much longer? We should really head back soon.”

“Leave the keys and I’ll lock up then,” he mumbled in response, refusing to look up as the door closed and footsteps approached.

Namjoon sighed and plopped down next to Yoongi, facing the opposite direction and with his legs outstretched before him. The two of them sat there without a sound for what felt like 20 minutes, though realistically it was probably less than five. “Why are you doing this? Get some sleep and we can come back in the morning.”

Another few moments of silence.

If there was one thing Yoongi could appreciate about the difficult friendship he shared with Namjoon, it was that he almost never pressed for a response. He gave Yoongi all the time he needed to collect his thoughts and put them together with carefully chosen words. He understood that it wasn’t easy for Yoongi to speak frankly about himself if it wasn’t through music. “It’s not enough.” He finally said. “It never feels like enough.”

It was subtle, but Namjoon shifted slightly to lean against Yoongi in an attempt at comfort. At that moment though it just came across as patronizing.

Yoongi lowered his hands from his face and pulled away to stand up, feeling his frustration with himself start to develop into anger towards Namjoon. Namjoon furrowed his brow in annoyed confusion and watched Yoongi pace around with his hands tugged through his hair. Why did Yoongi always have to be so damn difficult?

“What, and you think staying here being depressed on the floor is going to help anything?” Namjoon winced at his own tone, regretting not being more gentle considering how precarious of a state Yoongi seemed to be in. He just barely had time to duck out of the way of the shoe Yoongi violently threw his way. “What the hell?!!”

“Shut the fuck up! I get you’re the leader and all, but cut the crap,” Yoongi snapped.

Namjoon started raising his voice in response, pushing himself up from his spot on the floor with body language that came across as aggressive. “What are you talking about?!”

When Yoongi just groaned and turned away in response, Namjoon walked over and grabbed his arm, losing all patience to wait for a response this time. “Why the hell are you acting like this?”

Yoongi roughly pulled away, his voice cracking, “Just leave me the fuck alone, I’m sick of this.”

“What? Sick of what?” Namjoon felt more and more confused at all of this. Annoyed too. Now was not the time for a full-scale meltdown on Yoongi’s part. They all needed to keep it together for their comeback only a few weeks from then.

“I’m sick of feeling so goddamn useless!!” The words _compared to you_ threatened to slip out at the end.

Namjoon recoiled, taken by complete surprise. Since when did Yoongi feel useless? Useless… of all things… But he barely had time to process and properly respond. Yoongi shoved passed him, grabbed his shoe and water bottle off the floor, and stormed out.

Namjoon flinched when the door slammed. A sinking feeling overwhelmed him, making him feel sick to his stomach. Had he done something to make Yoongi feel like he was useless? The word echoed in his mind, bothering him more and more as the seconds ticked by.

Despite all their conflicts over the years, Yoongi was someone incredibly important and stabilizing for Namjoon. And the fact that he felt he was useless was deeply upsetting. Snapping out of his stupor, Namjoon quickly dug his keys out of his pocket and ran out the door, hoping he would be able to catch up with Yoongi before he reached the dorms.


End file.
